…or, at the very least, shake a veteran’s hand, if you’re not down with the whole hugging thing.
And if you yourself have served with honor in the United States Armed Forces?
Pat Patriot loves you.
Archive for the ‘Aimless Riffing’ category
Hug a veteran today
November 11, 2009Quizmasters!
November 10, 2009Here’s proof that life sometimes winds around in bizarre directions that one never expected.
The game show fanatics in the room will recall that back in 2005, Jeopardy! mounted its Ultimate Tournament of Champions — or, as I like to refer to it, the Quest for Ken Jennings. 145 of us former Jeopardy! stalwarts were invited to participate in a mega-round-robin that played out over half a television season, for an opportunity to win major cash and reclaim a smidgen of (for some of us, anyway) long-faded glory. Brad Rutter, who had won a previous Jeopardy! super-tourney called Million Dollar Masters, plowed through the field, ultimately besting Mr. Jennings (no relation) and Jerome Vered in the finals to claim the two-million-dollar grand prize.
Shortly after the UTOC concluded, a group of Jeopardy! veterans from around the Bay Area — including your Uncle Swan — got together to play an evening of pub trivia at a Berkeley watering hole. We dubbed ourselves the Ruttersnipes, in Brad’s honor. Jon Carroll, the San Francisco Chronicle‘s human interest columnist, tagged along to document the event.
Now, four years later, I’m hosting a weekly game for the same quiz company.
I landed the gig via a serendipitous confluence of circumstances. As many of you know, a few months ago my wife KJ involuntarily retired from work on medical disability. Almost simultaneously, our daughter KM finished junior college and continued her studies at a state university. With our income shrinking and our expenses rising, I had my eyes open for opportunities to generate some additional revenue.
At the same time, Brainstormer, a San Francisco-based pub quiz company that runs trivia nights in taverns and restaurants around the country, was looking for someone to host the Tuesday night game at an establishment a mere stone’s throw from my house. (Assuming, of course, that you’re throwing your stones with a rocket launcher. A howitzer, at the very least.)
As Cinderella once said… put it all together and what have you got? Bibbidi bobbidi boo.
So, if you happen to be cruising through Sonoma County on a Tuesday evening, and experience a hankering to challenge your mental faculties (and perhaps nosh on a few freshly crafted tacos for a mere one dollar each), stop by The Cantina in downtown Santa Rosa around 8 p.m. We’ve got music, we’ve got laughter, we’ve got mind-bending trivia. Best of all, there’s no cover charge.
If the sleek, dashingly handsome quiz host looks familiar… I’m probably home with the creeping crud that night.
But if there’s a nerdy, middle-aged fat guy running the game, that’s me.
It’s a list world after all
November 8, 2009On this lazy Sunday afternoon, as I’m watching the 49ers go toe-to-toe with the Tennessee Titans, I happened across a lengthy Disneyland meme on MiceChat, my favorite of the Disney theme park forums. I ditched several of the questions — figuring out which Disneyland attraction has the best cast member uniforms would require infinitely more brainpower than I’m willing to invest in such folderol — but here are my first-impulse jottings about the Happiest Place on Earth.
10 best current attractions: (in no particular order) Pirates of the Caribbean, Indiana Jones Adventure, the Haunted Mansion, the Jungle Cruise, Matterhorn Bobsleds, Big Thunder Mountain Railroad, Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride, Splash Mountain, Space Mountain, the Enchanted Tiki Room.
5 best former attractions: Adventure Through Inner Space, the original Submarine Voyage, America Sings, the Carousel of Progress, the PeopleMover.
Attraction you have been on more than any other: Pirates of the Caribbean.
Attraction you have never been on: Finding Nemo Submarines (it’s new this year, and the lines were way too long this summer when I was there), Gadget’s Go-Coaster (because my ginormous butt won’t fit in this kiddie ride).
Current attraction you will never go on again: Honey, I Shrunk the Audience. It’s long past time for a new movie in Tomorrowland’s 3D theater. Not even the sublime Marcia Strassman is enough of a draw to get me to sit through this once-enjoyable, now-shopworn experience once more.
Shortest average wait: Haunted Mansion. I can’t remember the last time I stood in line here.
Longest average wait: Splash Mountain. Especially on a hot July day.
Best attraction queue: Indiana Jones Adventure.
Best attraction pre-show: Haunted Mansion. Who doesn’t love the stretching room?
Best attraction storyline: Pirates of the Caribbean, especially with the addition of the Captain Jack Sparrow elements.
Best attraction music: Space Mountain (the Dick Dale surf-guitar soundtrack, when they’re playing it); the joyful sing-along songs of the Enchanted Tiki Room.
Best attraction spiel: Jungle Cruise, if you get a really funny skipper.
Best attraction set design/artwork: Indiana Jones Adventure.
Most immersive attraction: Pirates of the Caribbean.
Most thrilling attraction: Splash Mountain. A steep plummet, plus an ice-cold soaking.
Most boring attraction: Casey Jr. Circus Train. Seriously, a waste of space.
Best attraction ending: Splash Mountain. Not just the big drop near the end — the most adrenaline-packed moment at Disneyland — but the wonderful character-filled riverboat tableau that follows it. It’s like landing in the living room of old friends.
Attraction with worst post-attraction feeling (dizziness, nausea, etc.): Tarzan’s Treehouse. My acute acrophobia made my last trip up the branches a literally painful experience.
Best animatronic figure: C3PO, Star Tours.
Best visual effect: The Pepper’s Ghost effect in the Haunted Mansion ballroom; the Davy Jones fog projection in Pirates of the Caribbean.
Most unconvincing effect: The blowdart room, Indiana Jones Adventure.
Best attraction scene or room: The grand ballroom in the Haunted Mansion; the riverboat dock, Splash Mountain.
Worst attraction scene or room: The “Why the heck are we sitting in the dark with nothing happening?” sections of Indiana Jones Adventure.
Best ride vehicle: Indiana Jones Adventure.
Worst ride vehicle: Space Mountain. Does not make the fat guy happy.
Best walk-through attraction: The new Sleeping Beauty’s Castle diorama tour. It’s magnificent.
Best exhibit: The Disney Gallery. Always something interesting to see.
Best photo spot: Main Street, USA.
Best view of park: From the Monorail.
Best building or structure: The Haunted Mansion — it’s a classic.
Ugliest building or structure: Tomorrowland Terrace.
Best spot to sit and relax: The covered patio of the Hungry Bear Restaurant, overlooking the Rivers of America; a circuit on the Disneyland Railroad.
Best live entertainment: The Dapper Dans. Gotta represent for my barbershop homies.
Best daily event: Fireworks!
Best snack food from cart or stand: The Dole Whip from the stand outside the Enchanted Tiki Room. Frozen pineapple love in a cup.
Best counter service eatery: Cafe Orleans in New Orleans Square. Some of the best victuals in the park here.
Worst counter service eatery: Tomorrowland Terrace. Noisy, unaesthetic, and the food (I’m using that word advisedly) sucks.
Best full-service restaurant: Blue Bayou. You simply have to enjoy a meal here at least once in a lifetime.
How many miles do you live from Disneyland? 450, almost exactly.
The #1 priority for Disneyland now is: Get me to move closer!
Eight directors
November 5, 2009A recent conversation about the works of Alfred Hitchcock got me thinking about some of my other favorite directors. It’s a challenging subject, because I don’t often think of myself as a fan of a particular director as opposed to specific films. After all, the fact that I’ve enjoyed certain of a director’s works ought not to obligate me to like every film in his or her oeuvre.
Let’s not think of this, then, as a list of my favorite directors. Instead, it’s a list of eight filmmakers who’ve made multiple movies that resonated with me in a memorable way. Even if some of their work just didn’t do it for me.
For each director, I’ve noted what I consider to be his absolute must-see films (in order of preference), other examples of his work that I also enjoyed, a hidden gem — a lesser-known picture that I personally think ranks with the director’s best work — and, where appropriate, a film or two that I didn’t like all that much (or even outright detested).
Spike Lee
- Must see: Do the Right Thing, Malcolm X, Inside Man, 25th Hour
- Also enjoyed: Mo’ Better Blues, Clockers, Get on the Bus, He Got Game
- Hidden gem: School Daze
- Not a fan: Jungle Fever, Girl 6
David Mamet
- Must see: The Spanish Prisoner, Heist, Homicide, House of Games
- Also enjoyed: Oleanna, State and Main, The Winslow Boy
- Hidden gem: Spartan
- Not a fan: Things Change
Christopher Guest
- Must see: Best in Show, A Mighty Wind, Waiting for Guffman
- Also enjoyed: For Your Consideration
- Hidden gem: The Big Picture
- Not a fan: Almost Heroes
Paul Schrader
- Must see: Auto Focus, Light Sleeper, Cat People
- Also enjoyed: Hardcore, Blue Collar
- Hidden gem: Light of Day
- Not a fan: American Gigolo
Quentin Tarantino
- Must see: Jackie Brown, Pulp Fiction, Reservoir Dogs
- Also enjoyed: Kill Bill: Volume 2
- Hidden gem: Death Proof (which I actually don’t think is a good movie at all, but if you like Tarantino’s other work, you should see it once)
- Not a fan: Kill Bill: Volume 1
Clint Eastwood
- Must see: Unforgiven, Mystic River, The Gauntlet, Bronco Billy, Bird
- Also enjoyed: Sudden Impact, Play Misty for Me, Pale Rider
- Hidden gem: Breezy
- Not a fan: Eastwood has directed quite a few forgettable films during his lengthy career, but in 1990 he phoned in two of his worst — White Hunter, Black Heart and The Rookie.
Steven Soderbergh
- Must see: Out of Sight, Ocean’s Eleven, Traffic
- Also enjoyed: Sex, Lies and Videotape, Ocean’s Thirteen
- Hidden gem: The Limey
- Not a fan: Solaris, Full Frontal
Walter Hill
- Must see: Streets of Fire, The Warriors, 48 Hrs., Crossroads
- Also enjoyed: The Long Riders, Trespass, Last Man Standing
- Hidden gem: Undisputed
- Not a fan: Another 48 Hrs., most of his Westerns and pseudo-Westerns (Extreme Prejudice, Southern Comfort, Geronimo: An American Legend, Wild Bill)
What’s Up With That? #82: Busted bridge
October 28, 2009I’m not a structural engineer, but…
If the recently repaired chunk of the Bay Bridge can be taken out by a stiff wind, why should we have confidence that it could withstand a major earthquake — which is the reason they’re doing all of this work on the Bay Bridge in the first place?
Seems a mite iffy to me.
Side note: Don’t you just hate it when someone begins a critique with the disclaimer, “I’m not a [insert professional specialty here], but…”? Would you have you have mistaken me for a structural engineer if I hadn’t started this post by assuring you that I wasn’t?
Somehow, I think not.
It’s only news if somebody cares
October 15, 2009This just in from the world of music…
Country star Garth Brooks is ending his retirement.
At the same time, the Norwegian pop trio a-ha — best known for the ’80s hit “Take On Me,” and its influential video — is announcing its retirement.
Here’s the unfortunate news for these artists.
No one knew that Garth Brooks had retired…
…or that a-ha hadn’t.
The Not Having Been Discovered Yet List
October 12, 2009I hope you’re enjoying your Columbus Day — or, as I prefer to call it, Not Having Been Discovered Yet Day (an homage to the late, great comic genius, Flip Wilson).
Sure, Christopher Columbus was directly responsible for the deaths of hundreds of thousands — some historians suggest millions — of indigenous North Americans. And yes, he introduced the slave trade to the New World. And despite what you may have heard, he wasn’t the first European to make landfall or establish a colony in the Western Hemisphere — hello, Leif Ericson — nor to prove that the Earth was round (the shape of the Earth was understood from ancient times; the Biblical book of Isaiah, written around 700 B.C., described “the circle of the Earth”).
But Crazy Chris had a terrific press agent: namely, storyteller Washington Irving. Irving’s 1828 fictionalized biography, The Life and Voyages of Christopher Columbus, popularized most of the commonly accepted legend about the explorer.
Which is the main reason there’s a Columbus Day.
Listing all of the various and sundry items named for the self-styled Admiral of the Ocean Sea would take us until… well… next Columbus Day. So instead, I’ve selected my seven absolute favorite Columbus name-checks.
7. Columbus Salame. One of the Bay Area’s finest producers of tasty meat products. I lunched on sandwiches made from Columbus deli ham just yesterday. Delicious.
6. The District of Columbia. This will come a shock to fans of filmmaker Alex Proyas, but the abbreviation at the end of Washington, D.C. does not stand for Dark City. I lived in our nation’s capital for several months when I was young — my father was stationed at nearby Andrews Air Force Base.
5. Columbus, Ohio. My wife used to work for Nationwide Insurance, which is based there. Thanks for all the paychecks.
4. The Columbia River. On a speaking trip to Eugene, Oregon some years back, I was treated to a lovely dinner in a restaurant overlooking the river. Roll, Columbia.
3. Motion picture director Chris Columbus. The only one of Columbus’s films that I truly enjoy is his first, Adventures in Babysitting, but that one is so choice that I’m willing to overlook abject junk like Home Alone and Mrs. Doubtfire. “Nobody leaves this place without singing the blues.”
2. The World’s Columbian Exposition of 1893, sometimes referred to as the Chicago World’s Fair. Author Erik Larson wrote an excellent nonfiction book, The Devil in the White City, about the development of the Exposition and the concurrent activities of serial killer H.H. Holmes. If you haven’t read Larson’s tome, I highly recommend it.
1. Lt. Columbo. I always wondered whether Peter Falk’s disheveled detective was a descendant of the Italian-born explorer (whose name in his native tongue would be pronounced Christoforo Columbo). “Ah, pardon me, ma’am… just one more thing… do you mind if I steal your continent?”
Searching for Carmen Sandiego closer to home
September 24, 2009…but not in San Diego, because I’ve been there several times. Not that I wouldn’t like to go back, but that’s not the point of this post.
In yesterday’s post, I listed several — thirteen, in all — locations around the world that I missed seeing when I was an Air Force brat in the 1960s and ’70s, but would like to visit someday if I had unlimited resources.
The fact is, though, that there are plenty of places right here in the United States that I wouldn’t mind checking out, but have never had the opportunity. Without further ado, here’s the domestic list.
Ashland, Oregon. I’ve actually driven through Ashland — at least, I’ve skirted it on the Interstate — so technically, it doesn’t belong on a list of “places I’ve never been.” But I’d love to spend a week or two at the Oregon Shakespeare Festival, which takes place there.
Seattle, Washington. Three reasons: (1) to see the Space Needle, a triumph of Googie architecture; (2) to visit the Pike Place Market, to watch the fishmongers toss their wares about (and perhaps dine on a few — wares, not fishmongers); and (3) to drink lots and lots of coffee.
Santa Fe, New Mexico. A noted artistic community, which means I’d fit right in. In contrast to its creative reputation, it’s one of the few U.S. cities of any size with a consistent, governmentally imposed architectural style.
Mount Rushmore, South Dakota. I hear from people who’ve been there that it isn’t quite as awesome in person as it seems like it would be from photographs, but I prefer to decide that sort of thing for myself.
New Orleans, Louisiana. Great music, great food. I’ll just plan to go when they’re not expecting a flood.
Orlando, Florida. It seems weird that a Disney geek such as myself has never made a pilgrimage to Walt Disney World, but such is life. I’d like to rectify that shortcoming. Not that there’s anything wrong with the original Disneyland — because there isn’t. I’d still want to check out the Big Kahuna.
Key West, Florida. As a writer, I have to drop in here at least once, don’t I? And, as a kid who spent several years in Hawaii, I’m down with the whole tropical vibe. Remind me to skip hurricane season.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Not because it’s the Cradle of Liberty, and not for the plethora of historic sites, as interesting as those would be to tour. No, I just want to do my own onsite comparison of cheesesteak joints.
New York City, New York. Another location that doesn’t entirely qualify as a “never been there,” because I’ve flown into and out of both Kennedy and LaGuardia airports. Those airports, however, constitute the sum total of my NYC experience. I’ve gotta figure there’s more of the Naked City to see than just tarmac.
Westbrook, Maine. At first blush, an incongruous choice. My best friend from high school and her family — including her youngest child, my goddaughter, whom I’ve never seen in person — live there. More than reason enough for me.
Separate from any individual destination, I’d love to spend a summer traveling from one Major League Baseball park to another, until I’d seen a series in every park that I’ve never visited — which would include every park other than our local venues (AT&T Park and the Oakland Coliseum) and the two Greater L.A. sites (Dodger Stadium and Angel Stadium).
In search of Carmen Sandiego
September 23, 2009As a youngster, I was fortunate enough to travel to — and live in — several exotic locations, thanks to the U.S. Air Force — of which I was a dependent for the first 15 years of my life.
Ironically, as an adult, I haven’t again left my home country. I haven’t even ventured out of my adopted home state of California for more than a week or two at a time. I satisfy most of my residual wanderlust by watching the Travel Channel.
Not that I have all that much burning desire to return to my globetrotting childhood, but if I ever luck into a multimillion-dollar disposable income (or, alternatively, an overwhelming abundance of frequent flier miles to burn), here are some of the places to which I’d journey.
London, United Kingdom. The heart of English-speaking culture, with a history stretching back to the Roman Empire. I’d be willing to tolerate the dreadful food — or just eat plenty of fish and chips — just to wander the streets singing “London by Night” and “A Nightingale Sang in Berkeley Square.”
Barcelona, Spain. One of my interests is unusual architecture — I should post about my Googie fetish sometime — of which Barcelona is a world capital, thanks to the work of Art Nouveau pioneer Antoni Gaudi.
Cairo, Egypt. A wealth of uniquely Islamic architecture. It’s also just a quick trip to Giza, home of the greatest architectural wonders of the ancient world, the Pyramids and the Sphinx.
Dubai, United Arab Emirates. Let’s see… the world’s tallest structure (Burj Dubai), the world’s tallest hotel (Rose Tower), the world’s tallest hotel shaped like a ship’s sail and built on an artificial island (Burj Al Arab), the world’s largest shopping mall (the prosaically named Dubai Mall), and one of the most unusual developments ever conceived (the Palm Jumeirah)? Yeah, I’m there.
Nairobi, Kenya. Where else in the world can you walk through a wild animal habitat immediately adjacent to a major city? I’ll take an empty suitcase just for bringing home coffee.
Hong Kong, China. Blending the best of Eastern and Western culture. Plus, they have their own Disneyland. How cool is that? While I’m in that part of the world, I might as well check out the Great Wall too.
Agra, India. A hub of historically beautiful buildings from the Mughal era, of which the Taj Mahal, the Agra Fort, and Fatehpur Sikri are the best known.
Sydney, Australia. They’ll slip a shrimp on the barbie for me. And there’s also that Opera House.
Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. Doesn’t everyone have to experience Carnival once in a lifetime? Watch yourself, though — Rio might be one of the most dangerous metropoli in the world.
Rapa Nui (Easter Island). I’ve been fascinated by the moai — the 887 massive stone statues that dot the island — since I was a kid.
Machu Picchu, Peru. The fabled Lost City of the Incas, Machu Picchu offers an excellent opportunity to gain insight into what the New World was like before the Europeans invaded.
The Panama Canal. One of the most monumental feats of engineering in human history, it’s hard to fathom (no pun intended) that the Canal is nearly 100 years old (it opened in 1914).
Yucatan Peninsula, Mexico. Cancun, Cozumel, and the ruins at Chichen Itza. Need I say more?
Tomorrow, I’ll list a few places right here in the good old U.S. of A. that I’ve never visited, but would like to someday.
SwanShadow Thinks Out Loud 
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