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Idol 2010: Your Top 12 girls, America

February 24, 2010

It’s that time again, isn’t it?

Frankly, I blew off last year’s entire season of American Idol, because I just couldn’t drag myself through the whole sordid ordeal again. Besides, was it going to get any better than Jordin Sparks? Most likely, not.

But it’s a new decade, and your Uncle Swan comes back refreshed, reinvigorated, and ready to rock. Let’s see how quickly this season’s class of mediocre vocal talents can strangle all this enthusiasm out of me.

Listed below (in order of appearance on last night’s telecast, with the song performed by each) you’ll find the 12 female wannabes whom The Powers That Be at 19 Entertainment have chosen to inflict on us, and my impressions thereof after Week One of the competition. (Because, seriously, no one cares about anything that happened on the show before this week, aside from FOX and its advertisers. Except for the “Pants on the Ground” guy, and that fad lasted the entire 15 minutes it deserved.)

Ladies, if you please:

Paige Miles (“All Right Now”) — Paige has a great big voice, and (mostly) knows how to use it. I agree with Simon that this brassy rocker wasn’t the best choice of song, just because it’s harsh and belty and not well suited to displaying vocal range. But she’s certainly no worse than most of the contestants in this year’s distaff group. I’d like to hear her sing something that shows more softness and subtlety. And quickly, before she’s voted off. Which could be soon, but not as soon as…

Ashley Rodriguez (“Happy”) — Whew… not all that impressive. Her voice isn’t the grand, glorious instrument that Paige has — although she thinks it is — so she needs to avoid material that calls for that type of voice. There was just too much instability in the sound, not in terms of pitch, as much as in confidence, or lack thereof. She won’t be around long. I predict, however, that she will be around long enough to witness the exit of…

Janell Wheeler (“What About Love?”) — Ye gods. If you’re going to sing a song by Ann and Nancy Wilson, you’d better be able to bring it large. Janell? Can’t. Doesn’t belong here, period. Absolutely painful to listen to. She’ll be one of the early eliminations, if not indeed one of the very first two. Which is to say, she’s no…

Lilly Scott (“Fixing a Hole”) — Lilly is a tough call. I’m not crazy about her voice, and she picked a dreadful song (I loves me some Beatles, but that tune sucks swamp water, Sir Paul). Still, there’s something quirky and appealing about her sound, and her neo-hippie persona. I can’t see her winning the competition, but I could imagine some indie label wanting to market her CD. Even more, I could hear her oozing from the speakers at my friendly neighborhood Starbucks. Which is more than I can say for…

Katelyn Epperly (“Oh Darling”) — I agreed with Ellen on two specifics: Katelyn tends to oversing (she pushes her voice too hard, for you non-vocalists in the audience), and she’s interesting. She’s another one that I don’t think will get close to sniffing the finals, but she could stick around for a few weeks because she’s cute and perky and blonde. Like Frieda in Peanuts, she gets bonus points for naturally curly hair. Earning negative points tonight, on the other hand, is…

Haeley Vaughn (“I Wanna Hold Your Hand”) — Concluding the Beatles set on a self-consciously goofy, screechy, ultimately ridiculous note — that’s Haeley. I give her credit for trying to do something a little different, but there’s good different and there’s… well… what the devil was that? different. This, alas, was the latter. Fortunately for Haeley, she was followed to the stage by…

Lacey Brown (“Landslide”) — She was the last cut before the Top 24 last year, and if I recall accurately, the girl who edged her out hit the door before anyone learned her name. Lacey did nothing tonight to convince me that she deserved a second chance. Her version of “Landslide” would have Stevie Nicks turning in her grave like a rotisserie chicken in the supermarket deli, were it not for the fact that Stevie is still alive. Although, if she was watching Idol tonight, she might have died from embarrassment. Lacey’s a goner.

Michelle Delamor (“Fallin'”) — Michelle makes her living singing at corporate events, and her performance experience shows. She was the first contestant to take the stage tonight who both looked and sounded as though she knew exactly what she was doing here. That said, her overly polished style has the faint whiff of theme park tameness about it. I liked everything she did, then I completely forgot almost every element of it the moment she hit the wings. Could be a top contender if she can unleash some originality. Some edge. Some… something. But I’ll take Michelle any day over…

Didi Benami (“The Way I Am”) — I have to begin this by acknowledging that I find this woman annoying, simply on the basis of her affected, overly melodramatic personality. Even given that, I didn’t care for this performance at all. Worse, it put me to sleep. What was I talking about just then? Oh, yes…

Siobhan Magnus (“Wicked Game”) — I always dread it when someone on Idol busts out one of my favorite songs, because they murder it more often than not. This, however, was a lovely (apart from that first low note, which was beneath the lower end of Siobhan’s tessitura) rendition of the Chris Isaak classic — a song I wouldn’t have imagined a young female singer doing much justice. A pleasant surprise, and one that I quite enjoyed. She’s my second favorite of the night, right after…

Crystal Bowersox (“Hand in My Pocket”) — Crystal is the hidden talent in this year’s Idol class. She’s not trying to be anything but what she is, and that something is completely unlike anything any of the other girls are doing. Is that going to hurt her in the long run? I don’t know. It worked for Taylor Hicks. Then again, whatever happened to Taylor Hicks? The last I heard, he was road-tripping the rubber chicken circuit in a touring company of Grease. Is that the path Crystal wants to follow? We’ll see. (Note for next week: Lose the harp, unless you want to be busking on streetcorners again soon.)

Katie Stevens (“Feelin’ Good”) — With the exception of the aforementioned Ms. Sparks, I never like the kid singers on Idol. Katie’s no exception to that rule. Yes, she can sing, but in that sort of theatrical, too-old-for-her-britches way that pageant girls sing. There’s talent in there somewhere, but it’s talent I’d probably rather hear when she’s 27 than at 17. She’ll get a lot of the grandma votes, though, so expect her to survive for half the season, at least.

Taking what we’ve heard so far, Uncle Swan boldly predicts that the following six ladies will still be tripping the light fantastic with Seacrest and the crew at the halfway point: Crystal, Siobhan, Michelle, Katie, Katelyn, and Lilly.

Drop back in six weeks, and we’ll see how I did. But first, swing around tomorrow, and we’ll break down the 12 guys who are also vying for the title of American Idol 2010.

SwanShadow… out.

Categories: American Idol, Celebritiana, Listology, Ripped From the Headlines, Sexiest People Alive, Soundtrack of My Life, Teleholics Anonymous, The Swan Tunes In

Comments: 2 Comments

Globetrotting

January 18, 2010

Yes, the clatter of keys you heard during last night’s Golden Globe Awards telecast was indeed yours truly typing notes. What follows represents my more cogent observations. (Lucky for you I edit out the blather.)

Ricky Gervais as host: Fail. Ye gods, man — penis jokes and endless plugs for your own DVD box set? How old are you? I usually find Gervais pretty funny, but this may have been the most excruciating awards show hosting job since David Letterman’s infamous “Oprah… Uma” turn at the Oscars. A little bit of I-don’t-give-a-fig shtick from a comic is okay, but not when said comic clearly doesn’t give a fig, for real.

Feel-good moment: Mo’Nique’s acceptance speech. Coming from someone who will probably never win another acting award in this lifetime, the happiness seemed genuine and heartfelt.

Winner who looked terrific when she usually doesn’t: Toni Collette. She should wear that same gold dress to every occasion, forever. Has anyone actually seen the show for which she won?

And the Miss Nepotism trophy goes to: Alfre Woodard’s daughter, Mavis Spencer. Every year at the Globes, the daughter (and 0n rare occasion, the son) of some well-known show biz personality gets assigned the task of handing the awards to the presenters, so they can in turn hand them to the victors. Past trophy-toters have included such future stars in their own right as Laura Dern, Joely Fisher, Freddie Prinze Jr., and Rumer Willis, who did the honors last year.

Making my daughter the Dexter fanatic giddy: Wins for Michael C. Hall and John Lithgow, from said series. Hall rocks a black knit cap, having recently lost his hair to chemotherapy.

Grizzly Adams sighting: No, wait, that’s William Hurt.

Funniest line of the night: Sir Paul McCartney, referring to himself as “that guy from Rock Band.” Good on ya, Macca. Sir Paul’s crack about animation being “not just for children, but also for adults who take drugs” was a close runner-up.

And the band played off: I love both Meryl Streep (Best Actress in a Comedy for Julie and Julia) and Pete Docter (director of Best Animated Feature winner UP!), but please, people, know when to shut up.

One ramble that worked: Robert Downey, Jr. (Best Actor in a Drama for Sherlock Holmes), who admitted that he didn’t prepare a speech because his wife “said Matt Damon would win.”

Put. The Ambien. Down.: That would be you, Harrison Ford. Are we keeping you up, grandpa? Or would just a little hint of enthusiasm kill you? By the way, your date needs a Double-Double from In-N-Out Burger on the way home.

Star whose attire came closest to a superhero costume: Drew Barrymore. Unfortunately, the superhero Drew channels is Maggott from the X-Men comics. Whose idea was it to sew gigantic leeches onto Drew’s dress? At least this year, she wore underwear.

Winner whose name will give the engraver the biggest chuckle: T-Bone Burnett (Best Original Song). I propose that every year, there should be at least one nominee named after a cut of beef.

Speaking of meat: Kevin Bacon wins.

I don’t want to be in the front row: When Gerard Butler is on stage. I’m afraid he’ll get spit all over me.

The only cat in America who can still rock velvet: Samuel L. Jackson. You go on with your bad self, Sam. Just stay off airplanes.

What is best in life: The Governator being assigned to introduce clips from a movie whose title he can’t pronounce. That “Ahbeedah” looks like a pretty good flick, though.

Winner who looked awful when she usually looks… well… awful: Chloe Sevigny. Don’t blame your escort, Chloe — given the chance, I’d have stomped on that hideous, oatmeal-hued monstrosity of a gown too. You’d have done better if you’d borrowed one of your fundie-Mormon frocks from the Big Love wardrobe department. You’re a fantastic actress, but hire a stylist.

Aw, yeah: Halle Berry. Can she just stand there for the entire show?

Lifetime Achievement Award: Martin Scorsese. I’m not a huge fan of his films — the only Scorsese pictures I really liked were After Hours and The Color of Money — but he’s a monumental directing talent who also seems like a genuinely nice man. James Cameron will never win one of these awards, because he’s an obnoxious, pompous jerk (or so I’m told by people who’ve worked on his set).

Cleans up nicely when she’s of a mind to: Jodie Foster.

Surprise of the night (at least to me): Glee wins for Best TV Comedy. Excellent show, and deserving, but not the sort of thing that usually wins awards (***cough***Mad Men***cough***).

Wondering out loud: How shallow is the nominee pool this year if Sandra Bullock wins an acting award?

The wrong guy to give an award after three hours of sitting at a table drinking: Jeff Bridges. ‘Nuff said.

The wrong guy to give an award, ever: James Cameron. And I say that as someone who, for the most part, enjoys his films — with the exception of Titanic, which apart from Kate Winslet is nearly unwatchable. Giving him honors, however, just encourages his egomania.

Oh, by the way, Jim: It’s the talented women who age well. The skeletal blondes, not so much.

Categories: Aimless Riffing, Celebritiana, Cinemania, Listology, Ripped From the Headlines, Sexiest People Alive, Teleholics Anonymous

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The Hawk flies in

January 6, 2010

It only took nine years — in my never-humble opinion, that’s eight years too many — but slugging outfielder Andre “The Hawk” Dawson finally gained election to the National Baseball Hall of Fame.

Dawson didn’t make the necessary total by much. To be enshrined, a candidate has to pull a minimum of 75% of the ballots submitted by members of the Baseball Writers’ Association of America (BBWAA). Dawson netted 77.9%, 15 votes above the cutoff. Last year, he fell 44 ballots shy.

I’ve no explanation why it took Dawson nearly a decade to be elected to the Hall. Anyone who saw him play recalls The Hawk as both a formidable hitter and a talented outfielder during his lengthy major league career. He suffered a good deal from injuries toward the end of his run, and he hung on as a shadow of his former self for about three years beyond the point at which he should have retired. (I can name a few dozen legends of the game who committed that latter indignity, starting with two of my favorites, Willie Mays and Willie McCovey.) But in his prime — beginning with his Rookie of the Year season in 1977 and continuing through his last year with the Chicago Cubs in 1992 — Dawson defined the phrase “money player.”

I’m thrilled that he’s in.

If I’d had a ballot this year, I’d have also voted for:

Roberto Alomar, one of the two best all-around second basemen of my lifetime (Joe Morgan was the other — Jeff Kent, an average-to-dreadful defensive player, was the best offensive player I’ve seen at the position).

Jack Morris, the American League’s best starting pitcher throughout the 1980s.

Barry Larkin, a terrific shortstop on both sides of the ball.

Lee Smith, one of the most imposing closers I’ve ever seen, and former holder of the career record for saves.

I would not have voted for Bert Blyleven, whose 400 votes left him five short of election. Blyleven will get into the Hall eventually — which, if it accomplishes nothing else, will stop his annual whining about not getting in — but he shouldn’t. Blyleven may be the most overrated pitcher of the modern era (unless that’s Don Sutton, who’s already in the Hall, and should never have been elected). His current vote total is inflated by writers who simply look at the numbers, and not at the actual quality of play. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it every year until he finally cracks through: No one who actually saw Bert Blyleven pitch thinks he was a Hall of Fame-caliber pitcher. And if they do, they don’t know jack about baseball.

Every year, I’m stunned by the wasted votes at the bottom of the tote board. This year is no exception. I don’t know who the two writers were who voted for Ellis Burks, or the two who voted for Eric Karros, or the guys who cast solo votes for David Segui, Pat Hentgen, or Kevin Appier. These clueless people should never be allowed to vote for anything that involves baseball, ever again, period. (Burks, an outfielder who contributed two-plus excellent seasons for my beloved Giants, was a very fine player and, by all accounts, an outstanding teammate. But if he was a Hall of Famer, I’m Barry Bonds.)

Oh, and Mark McGwire? We’re not here to talk about the past.

Categories: Hero of the Day, I Love the Giants, Listology, Ripped From the Headlines, Sports Bar

Comments: 2 Comments

SwanShadow Gives Thanks: This Time, It’s For Real

November 26, 2009

On each of the five most recent Thanksgiving Days, I’ve used this space — and the space this blog occupied previously — to itemize in alphabetical format a random sampling of things for which I am grateful.

This year, I told myself: If it’s working, don’t fix it.

Thus, the sixth annual edition of SwanShadow Gives Thanks. (You can peruse the previous years’ lists here.)

Amazon Kindle 2. A virtual library of books everywhere I travel, in a lightweight device the size of a DVD case. Everyone on the staff at the hospital KJ frequently visits wants one. I’m currently reading Satchel: The Life and Times of an American Legend, Larry Tye’s fine biography of baseball star Leroy “Satchel” Paige.

Brizzly. A nifty online client that lets me track both of my Twitter accounts and my Facebook page in one convenient location. If you’re not already following me, you should be.

Common Elements, my signature theme of comic art commissions. Each artwork in the series depicts two (and occasionally more) unrelated comic book heroes who share something in common. The connections are sometimes obvious (i.e., Red Arrow and Red Sonja), sometimes obscure (i.e., The Question and Starfire, whose civilian names — Vic Sage and Koriand’r — are both herbs). You can see all 87 of the existing Common Elements pieces in my online gallery.

Disneyland, the Happiest Place on Earth. This summer, I had a chance to visit there for the first time in several years. It still makes me giddy.

Eugene Finerman, one of the all-time great champions in the history of Jeopardy!, and the man who every day on his excellent blog, Your RDA of Irony, teaches me something that I didn’t know. Eugene is a one-man compendium of all things historical — like a university survey class, only funnier.

Freebies. I love getting stuff for free, whether it’s product samples in the mail or random nibbles at Costco. Uncle Swan’s credo: If it’s free, it’s for me.

Gasoline. We need things to make us go.

Headlines, the most hilarious five minutes in weekly television. I missed my Monday night fix while Jay Leno was transitioning from The Tonight Show to his new 10 p.m. gig. I’ll probably miss it again when Jay’s new show gets canned by NBC, as I’m increasingly certain that it will.

Iraklion Air Station, Crete, Greece. I spent two halcyon years of my youth there, in the early 1970s. Some wonderful memories that I cherish more than 35 years later. The base is long since decommissioned, but I’d like to get back and see what’s left of it while I’m still on the planet.

Jon Miller, quite possibly the premier broadcaster in all of baseball. And we Giants fans have got him.

KJ and KM, my wife and daughter. I’m especially thankful that they are together for Thanksgiving. They’ve missed each other while KM’s been away at college.

My Lord Jesus, who makes all things possible, and who hasn’t given up on me just yet.

Max’s Café in Corte Madera. Terrific sandwiches, and friendly service. You’ve gotta love a joint that gives you both French fries and onion rings with your order. I recommend the BLT with avocado, and the Philly cheesesteak.

No Reservations, Anthony Bourdain’s show on the Travel Channel. I don’t think I’d want to tour with Tony — he drinks and smokes too much for me to find him a pleasant companion — but I’d like to see some of the places he goes. In fact, I have seen some of them.

Oracle Arena, the home court of my beloved Golden State Warriors. KM and I saw a few fun games there last season. The games will be even more fun when head coach Don Nelson finally retires.

Plasma TV. Ah, the wonders of modern digital technology.

Quiet. Sometimes, it’s easy to forget how great a blessing it can be.

Round Table Pizza. It’s the last honest pizza, or so the ads say. All I know is that it tastes pretty good.

Sausalito, the beautiful waterfront town where I go every week to study the craft of voice acting. Speaking of which…

Traxers — my fellow students at Voicetrax. A more encouraging and supportive community of actors you will not find. Here’s to everyone’s success in 2010.

Unfriend, the Oxford English Dictionary‘s 2009 Word of the Year. In case you’re unclear, it’s a verb, not a noun. Although I’ve known a few people to whom such a noun might have been appropriately applied.

Vitamin Water. Because you could take vitamins, and drink water, but it’s just simpler to have them commingled together.

Walmart. Scoff if you will. They have the stuff I need at prices I like. And the other patrons provide free entertainment. Do I think the people who run the company are whacko? Sure. But I’m not so wealthy that I can afford to pay a premium for non-whacko. If you are, do what pleases you.

X-Men Origins: Wolverine. Not because it was a great — or even a good — movie, but because it made enough dough that other superhero films will continue to get the green light. You know I loves me some superheroes.

Yellow highlighter. Whoever invented this indispensable tool should have received a medal. Or a knighthood. Or something.

Zero Tolerance, manufacturers of military-grade blades. I like sharp things.

I’m thankful that you’re here, too. Be genuinely grateful for every one of your blessings — they can disappear in an instant. Never forget that.

May you and those you love enjoy a happy, healthy, and honored Thanksgiving.

Categories: Aimless Riffing, Listology, SwanStuff, Thanksgiving

Comments: 7 Comments

It’s a list world after all

November 8, 2009

On this lazy Sunday afternoon, as I’m watching the 49ers go toe-to-toe with the Tennessee Titans, I happened across a lengthy Disneyland meme on MiceChat, my favorite of the Disney theme park forums. I ditched several of the questions — figuring out which Disneyland attraction has the best cast member uniforms would require infinitely more brainpower than I’m willing to invest in such folderol — but here are my first-impulse jottings about the Happiest Place on Earth.

10 best current attractions: (in no particular order) Pirates of the Caribbean, Indiana Jones Adventure, the Haunted Mansion, the Jungle Cruise, Matterhorn Bobsleds, Big Thunder Mountain Railroad, Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride, Splash Mountain, Space Mountain, the Enchanted Tiki Room.

5 best former attractions: Adventure Through Inner Space, the original Submarine Voyage, America Sings, the Carousel of Progress, the PeopleMover.

Attraction you have been on more than any other: Pirates of the Caribbean.

Attraction you have never been on: Finding Nemo Submarines (it’s new this year, and the lines were way too long this summer when I was there), Gadget’s Go-Coaster (because my ginormous butt won’t fit in this kiddie ride).

Current attraction you will never go on again: Honey, I Shrunk the Audience. It’s long past time for a new movie in Tomorrowland’s 3D theater. Not even the sublime Marcia Strassman is enough of a draw to get me to sit through this once-enjoyable, now-shopworn experience once more.

Shortest average wait: Haunted Mansion. I can’t remember the last time I stood in line here.

Longest average wait: Splash Mountain. Especially on a hot July day.

Best attraction queue: Indiana Jones Adventure.

Best attraction pre-show: Haunted Mansion. Who doesn’t love the stretching room?

Best attraction storyline: Pirates of the Caribbean, especially with the addition of the Captain Jack Sparrow elements.

Best attraction music: Space Mountain (the Dick Dale surf-guitar soundtrack, when they’re playing it); the joyful sing-along songs of the Enchanted Tiki Room.

Best attraction spiel: Jungle Cruise, if you get a really funny skipper.

Best attraction set design/artwork: Indiana Jones Adventure.

Most immersive attraction: Pirates of the Caribbean.

Most thrilling attraction: Splash Mountain. A steep plummet, plus an ice-cold soaking.

Most boring attraction: Casey Jr. Circus Train. Seriously, a waste of space.

Best attraction ending: Splash Mountain. Not just the big drop near the end — the most adrenaline-packed moment at Disneyland — but the wonderful character-filled riverboat tableau that follows it. It’s like landing in the living room of old friends.

Attraction with worst post-attraction feeling (dizziness, nausea, etc.): Tarzan’s Treehouse. My acute acrophobia made my last trip up the branches a literally painful experience.

Best animatronic figure: C3PO, Star Tours.

Best visual effect: The Pepper’s Ghost effect in the Haunted Mansion ballroom; the Davy Jones fog projection in Pirates of the Caribbean.

Most unconvincing effect: The blowdart room, Indiana Jones Adventure.

Best attraction scene or room: The grand ballroom in the Haunted Mansion; the riverboat dock, Splash Mountain.

Worst attraction scene or room: The “Why the heck are we sitting in the dark with nothing happening?” sections of Indiana Jones Adventure.

Best ride vehicle: Indiana Jones Adventure.

Worst ride vehicle: Space Mountain. Does not make the fat guy happy.

Best walk-through attraction: The new Sleeping Beauty’s Castle diorama tour. It’s magnificent.

Best exhibit: The Disney Gallery. Always something interesting to see.

Best photo spot: Main Street, USA.

Best view of park: From the Monorail.

Best building or structure: The Haunted Mansion — it’s a classic.

Ugliest building or structure: Tomorrowland Terrace.

Best spot to sit and relax: The covered patio of the Hungry Bear Restaurant, overlooking the Rivers of America; a circuit on the Disneyland Railroad.

Best live entertainment: The Dapper Dans. Gotta represent for my barbershop homies.

Best daily event: Fireworks!

Best snack food from cart or stand: The Dole Whip from the stand outside the Enchanted Tiki Room. Frozen pineapple love in a cup.

Best counter service eatery: Cafe Orleans in New Orleans Square. Some of the best victuals in the park here.

Worst counter service eatery: Tomorrowland Terrace. Noisy, unaesthetic, and the food (I’m using that word advisedly) sucks.

Best full-service restaurant: Blue Bayou. You simply have to enjoy a meal here at least once in a lifetime.

How many miles do you live from Disneyland? 450, almost exactly.

The #1 priority for Disneyland now is: Get me to move closer!

Categories: Aimless Riffing, Disney, Listology

Comments: 4 Comments

Eight directors

November 5, 2009

A recent conversation about the works of Alfred Hitchcock got me thinking about some of my other favorite directors. It’s a challenging subject, because I don’t often think of myself as a fan of a particular director as opposed to specific films. After all, the fact that I’ve enjoyed certain of a director’s works ought not to obligate me to like every film in his or her oeuvre.

Let’s not think of this, then, as a list of my favorite directors. Instead, it’s a list of eight filmmakers who’ve made multiple movies that resonated with me in a memorable way. Even if some of their work just didn’t do it for me.

For each director, I’ve noted what I consider to be his absolute must-see films (in order of preference), other examples of his work that I also enjoyed, a hidden gem — a lesser-known picture that I personally think ranks with the director’s best work — and, where appropriate, a film or two that I didn’t like all that much (or even outright detested).

Spike Lee

  • Must see: Do the Right Thing, Malcolm X, Inside Man, 25th Hour
  • Also enjoyed: Mo’ Better Blues, Clockers, Get on the Bus, He Got Game
  • Hidden gem: School Daze
  • Not a fan: Jungle Fever, Girl 6

David Mamet

  • Must see: The Spanish Prisoner, Heist, Homicide, House of Games
  • Also enjoyed: Oleanna, State and Main, The Winslow Boy
  • Hidden gem: Spartan
  • Not a fan: Things Change

Christopher Guest

  • Must see: Best in Show, A Mighty Wind, Waiting for Guffman
  • Also enjoyed: For Your Consideration
  • Hidden gem: The Big Picture
  • Not a fan: Almost Heroes

Paul Schrader

  • Must see: Auto Focus, Light Sleeper, Cat People
  • Also enjoyed: Hardcore, Blue Collar
  • Hidden gem: Light of Day
  • Not a fan: American Gigolo

Quentin Tarantino

  • Must see: Jackie Brown, Pulp Fiction, Reservoir Dogs
  • Also enjoyed: Kill Bill: Volume 2
  • Hidden gem: Death Proof (which I actually don’t think is a good movie at all, but if you like Tarantino’s other work, you should see it once)
  • Not a fan: Kill Bill: Volume 1

Clint Eastwood

  • Must see: Unforgiven, Mystic River, The Gauntlet, Bronco Billy, Bird
  • Also enjoyed: Sudden Impact, Play Misty for Me, Pale Rider
  • Hidden gem: Breezy
  • Not a fan: Eastwood has directed quite a few forgettable films during his lengthy career, but in 1990 he phoned in two of his worst — White Hunter, Black Heart and The Rookie.

Steven Soderbergh

  • Must see: Out of Sight, Ocean’s Eleven, Traffic
  • Also enjoyed: Sex, Lies and Videotape, Ocean’s Thirteen
  • Hidden gem: The Limey
  • Not a fan: Solaris, Full Frontal

Walter Hill

  • Must see: Streets of Fire, The Warriors, 48 Hrs., Crossroads
  • Also enjoyed: The Long Riders, Trespass, Last Man Standing
  • Hidden gem: Undisputed
  • Not a fan: Another 48 Hrs., most of his Westerns and pseudo-Westerns (Extreme Prejudice, Southern Comfort, Geronimo: An American Legend, Wild Bill)

 

Categories: Aimless Riffing, Celebritiana, Cinemania, Listology

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The view from the Oracle

October 26, 2009

Some thoughts as I watched the Golden State Warriors’ open practice at Oracle Arena today, two days before the team’s NBA season opener against the Houston Rockets…

Disgruntled former captains aside, this team has potential. Anthony Morrow looks like he could make a serious impact in his sophomore season, and the rookie point guard, Stephen Curry, can ball.

Speaking of disgruntled former captains: Shut up and play, Stack Jack. You couldn’t buy a bucket — or remember to pass — today.

Teaming two relatively small guards in the backcourt doesn’t worry me. The tandem of Curry and Monta Ellis ought to be able to run and shoot half the teams in the Association out of the building. Plus, Curry’s already the best passer on the team.

Starting Corey Maggette does worry me. Not because Maggette isn’t a terrific player — he is, and right now, he looks terrific — but because he’s a physical guy who gets injured a lot. The Warriors are better off with Corey coming in gunning off the bench, keeping him fresh and relatively unbattered.

Three thousand-plus preadolescent schoolkids can raise quite a shriek when told to “Make Noise!” by a scoreboard graphic. Perhaps we shouldn’t encourage that.

Andris Biedrins and Anthony Randolph still appear to be nursing injuries. Both played at about half-speed today. Although the way Biedrins usually plays, it’s hard to tell.

Kelenna Azubuike looks to be over his ankle sprain. That was one killer dunk he threw down.

Having Mikki Moore alongside Ronny Turiaf could make for an exciting frontcourt when the starters are resting. Those two guys love to get after it. It’s good to have another big man who, like Turiaf, understands the meaning of “hustle.” Biedrins and Randolph are still wrestling with that concept.

Acie Law can play a little. I’m looking forward to seeing what he can do.

Today is Monta’s 24th birthday. Curry the rookie was called upon to lead the crowd in singing “Happy Birthday” to him. This was a bad idea for two reasons: (1) Steph cannot sing; and (2) Steph does not appear to know the tune to “Happy Birthday.”

Don Nelson looks every day of his 69 years. Maui’s calling, Nellie.

Categories: Aimless Riffing, I'm a Warriors Worrier, Listology, My Home Town, Sports Bar

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The Not Having Been Discovered Yet List

October 12, 2009

I hope you’re enjoying your Columbus Day — or, as I prefer to call it, Not Having Been Discovered Yet Day (an homage to the late, great comic genius, Flip Wilson).

Sure, Christopher Columbus was directly responsible for the deaths of hundreds of thousands — some historians suggest millions — of indigenous North Americans. And yes, he introduced the slave trade to the New World. And despite what you may have heard, he wasn’t the first European to make landfall or establish a colony in the Western Hemisphere — hello, Leif Ericson — nor to prove that the Earth was round (the shape of the Earth was understood from ancient times; the Biblical book of Isaiah, written around 700 B.C., described “the circle of the Earth”).

But Crazy Chris had a terrific press agent: namely, storyteller Washington Irving. Irving’s 1828 fictionalized biography, The Life and Voyages of Christopher Columbus, popularized most of the commonly accepted legend about the explorer.

Which is the main reason there’s a Columbus Day.

Listing all of the various and sundry items named for the self-styled Admiral of the Ocean Sea would take us until… well… next Columbus Day. So instead, I’ve selected my seven absolute favorite Columbus name-checks.

7. Columbus Salame. One of the Bay Area’s finest producers of tasty meat products. I lunched on sandwiches made from Columbus deli ham just yesterday. Delicious.

6. The District of Columbia. This will come a shock to fans of filmmaker Alex Proyas, but the abbreviation at the end of Washington, D.C. does not stand for Dark City. I lived in our nation’s capital for several months when I was young — my father was stationed at nearby Andrews Air Force Base.

5. Columbus, Ohio. My wife used to work for Nationwide Insurance, which is based there. Thanks for all the paychecks.

4. The Columbia River. On a speaking trip to Eugene, Oregon some years back, I was treated to a lovely dinner in a restaurant overlooking the river. Roll, Columbia.

3. Motion picture director Chris Columbus. The only one of Columbus’s films that I truly enjoy is his first, Adventures in Babysitting, but that one is so choice that I’m willing to overlook abject junk like Home Alone and Mrs. Doubtfire. “Nobody leaves this place without singing the blues.”

2. The World’s Columbian Exposition of 1893, sometimes referred to as the Chicago World’s Fair. Author Erik Larson wrote an excellent nonfiction book, The Devil in the White City, about the development of the Exposition and the concurrent activities of serial killer H.H. Holmes. If you haven’t read Larson’s tome, I highly recommend it.

1. Lt. Columbo. I always wondered whether Peter Falk’s disheveled detective was a descendant of the Italian-born explorer (whose name in his native tongue would be pronounced Christoforo Columbo). “Ah, pardon me, ma’am… just one more thing… do you mind if I steal your continent?”

Categories: Aimless Riffing, Celebritiana, Dead People Got No Reason to Live, Hero of the Day, Listology, Random Acts of Patriotism, Ripped From the Headlines

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Searching for Carmen Sandiego closer to home

September 24, 2009

…but not in San Diego, because I’ve been there several times. Not that I wouldn’t like to go back, but that’s not the point of this post.

In yesterday’s post, I listed several — thirteen, in all — locations around the world that I missed seeing when I was an Air Force brat in the 1960s and ’70s, but would like to visit someday if I had unlimited resources.

The fact is, though, that there are plenty of places right here in the United States that I wouldn’t mind checking out, but have never had the opportunity. Without further ado, here’s the domestic list.

Ashland, Oregon. I’ve actually driven through Ashland — at least, I’ve skirted it on the Interstate — so technically, it doesn’t belong on a list of “places I’ve never been.” But I’d love to spend a week or two at the Oregon Shakespeare Festival, which takes place there.

Seattle, Washington. Three reasons: (1) to see the Space Needle, a triumph of Googie architecture; (2) to visit the Pike Place Market, to watch the fishmongers toss their wares about (and perhaps dine on a few — wares, not fishmongers); and (3) to drink lots and lots of coffee.

Santa Fe, New Mexico. A noted artistic community, which means I’d fit right in. In contrast to its creative reputation, it’s one of the few U.S. cities of any size with a consistent, governmentally imposed architectural style.

Mount Rushmore, South Dakota. I hear from people who’ve been there that it isn’t quite as awesome in person as it seems like it would be from photographs, but I prefer to decide that sort of thing for myself.

New Orleans, Louisiana. Great music, great food. I’ll just plan to go when they’re not expecting a flood.

Orlando, Florida. It seems weird that a Disney geek such as myself has never made a pilgrimage to Walt Disney World, but such is life. I’d like to rectify that shortcoming. Not that there’s anything wrong with the original Disneyland — because there isn’t. I’d still want to check out the Big Kahuna.

Key West, Florida. As a writer, I have to drop in here at least once, don’t I? And, as a kid who spent several years in Hawaii, I’m down with the whole tropical vibe. Remind me to skip hurricane season.

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Not because it’s the Cradle of Liberty, and not for the plethora of historic sites, as interesting as those would be to tour. No, I just want to do my own onsite comparison of cheesesteak joints.

New York City, New York. Another location that doesn’t entirely qualify as a “never been there,” because I’ve flown into and out of both Kennedy and LaGuardia airports. Those airports, however, constitute the sum total of my NYC experience. I’ve gotta figure there’s more of the Naked City to see than just tarmac.

Westbrook, Maine. At first blush, an incongruous choice. My best friend from high school and her family — including her youngest child, my goddaughter, whom I’ve never seen in person — live there. More than reason enough for me.

Separate from any individual destination, I’d love to spend a summer traveling from one Major League Baseball park to another, until I’d seen a series in every park that I’ve never visited — which would include every park other than our local venues (AT&T Park and the Oakland Coliseum) and the two Greater L.A. sites (Dodger Stadium and Angel Stadium).

Categories: Aimless Riffing, Disney, Listology, SwanStuff, That's Cool!

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In search of Carmen Sandiego

September 23, 2009

As a youngster, I was fortunate enough to travel to — and live in — several exotic locations, thanks to the U.S. Air Force — of which I was a dependent for the first 15 years of my life.

Ironically, as an adult, I haven’t again left my home country. I haven’t even ventured out of my adopted home state of California for more than a week or two at a time. I satisfy most of my residual wanderlust by watching the Travel Channel.

Not that I have all that much burning desire to return to my globetrotting childhood, but if I ever luck into a multimillion-dollar disposable income (or, alternatively, an overwhelming abundance of frequent flier miles to burn), here are some of the places to which I’d journey.

London, United Kingdom. The heart of English-speaking culture, with a history stretching back to the Roman Empire. I’d be willing to tolerate the dreadful food — or just eat plenty of fish and chips — just to wander the streets singing “London by Night” and “A Nightingale Sang in Berkeley Square.”

Barcelona, Spain. One of my interests is unusual architecture — I should post about my Googie fetish sometime — of which Barcelona is a world capital, thanks to the work of Art Nouveau pioneer Antoni Gaudi.

Cairo, Egypt. A wealth of uniquely Islamic architecture. It’s also just a quick trip to Giza, home of the greatest architectural wonders of the ancient world, the Pyramids and the Sphinx.

Dubai, United Arab Emirates. Let’s see… the world’s tallest structure (Burj Dubai), the world’s tallest hotel (Rose Tower), the world’s tallest hotel shaped like a ship’s sail and built on an artificial island (Burj Al Arab), the world’s largest shopping mall (the prosaically named Dubai Mall), and one of the most unusual developments ever conceived (the Palm Jumeirah)? Yeah, I’m there.

Nairobi, Kenya. Where else in the world can you walk through a wild animal habitat immediately adjacent to a major city? I’ll take an empty suitcase just for bringing home coffee.

Hong Kong, China. Blending the best of Eastern and Western culture. Plus, they have their own Disneyland. How cool is that? While I’m in that part of the world, I might as well check out the Great Wall too.

Agra, India. A hub of historically beautiful buildings from the Mughal era, of which the Taj Mahal, the Agra Fort, and Fatehpur Sikri are the best known.

Sydney, Australia. They’ll slip a shrimp on the barbie for me. And there’s also that Opera House.

Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. Doesn’t everyone have to experience Carnival once in a lifetime? Watch yourself, though — Rio might be one of the most dangerous metropoli in the world.

Rapa Nui (Easter Island). I’ve been fascinated by the moai — the 887 massive stone statues that dot the island — since I was a kid.

Machu Picchu, Peru. The fabled Lost City of the Incas, Machu Picchu offers an excellent opportunity to gain insight into what the New World was like before the Europeans invaded.

The Panama Canal. One of the most monumental feats of engineering in human history, it’s hard to fathom (no pun intended) that the Canal is nearly 100 years old (it opened in 1914).

Yucatan Peninsula, Mexico. Cancun, Cozumel, and the ruins at Chichen Itza. Need I say more?

Tomorrow, I’ll list a few places right here in the good old U.S. of A. that I’ve never visited, but would like to someday.

Categories: Aimless Riffing, Listology, SwanStuff, That's Cool!

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