Archive for the ‘SwanStuff’ category

What’s In My Pocket? #6: Zero Tolerance 0200

November 2, 2009

It occurred to me today that I haven’t posted about my sharp-object obsession since I moved here to the new digs.

Well, it’s high time.

Pretty much the only surviving vestige of my boyhood tour of duty in the Cub Scouts — besides my pathological dread of adult men wearing neckerchiefs and khaki shorts — is my passion for pocket knives. For most of my life, I’ve toted around some version of a Swiss Army knife. You’d be amazed how many times each day I find myself in need of something sharp.

Some years ago, I switched from SA knives to folding blades. Two reasons propelled the change: (1) I grew frustrated with the lumpy thickness of a multifunction knife in my pocket; and (2) I never really use anything except the knife blade anyway. So it made double sense to streamline.

In the years since, I’ve acquired a dozen or so quality folding knives, most of which rotate into and out of my pocket on a regular basis. My pieces range from a utilitarian Kershaw Storm II on the low end, to a beautiful Chris Reeve Sebenza with cocobolo wood inlays that by itself cost as much as half my other knives combined.

But if I’m ever stranded on a deserted tropical island with only one folding knife in my possession, I hope that’s the day I’m packing my Zero Tolerance 0200.

Zero Tolerance 0200

The ZT0200 is one massive beast of a knife. It’s not the longest blade I own — my Benchmade Skirmish boasts a whopping 4.30 inches of gleaming steel — but it’s the heaviest (nearly eight ounces), toughest knife in my kit. If I had to, I’m confident that I could bring down a water buffalo with this sucker, without even deploying the blade. I’d just club the bovine between the eyes with the handle. (Sorry, PETA. I’m speaking hypothetically.)

KAI USA — the same people who make Kershaw knives, as well as the Shun kitchen cutlery endorsed by the Food Network’s Alton Brown — markets the ZT0200 primarily to professionals in the military and law enforcement fields. You know, the sort of folks for whom a rugged, all-environment knife comes in mighty handy. I grew up as a Department of Defense dependent, and my daughter is a criminal justice major, so I feel qualified to carry one myself.

The ZT0200’s 3.75-inch recurve blade is struck from tungsten/carbon-coated 154CM, an industrial-grade, American-made stainless steel that lends itself to exceptional blade stock. It’s extremely durable and corrosion-resistant, and can withstand a good deal of abuse. The blade can be deployed easily with either hand, using either the finger trigger or one of the dual thumb studs. The liner-lock mechanism opens smoothly and locks the blade so solidly that it feels like a fixed blade — which can’t often be said about a liner-lock folder.

The ZT0200’s handle is 3D-molded G10, a fiberglass laminate bound by epoxy resin, frequently used in electronics manufacturing due to its moisture resistance and lack of electrical conductivity. I could hack my way through the Amazon rain forest without ever losing my grip on the textured scales. (Not that there’s an Amazon rain forest in my foreseeable future. But one never knows.) That texture makes it a bit of a challenge to get the knife in and out of a hip pocket, so I usually only carry this one when I’m wearing a well-broken-in pair of jeans.

As an added cool factor — not that this knife needs help in that department — KAI USA makes a donation to the Paralyzed Veterans of America for every Zero Tolerance knife they sell.

My ZT0200 will be the only hand tool I’ll need should Gilligan, the Skipper, and I ever take a three-year detour out of Waikiki.

Or if Jack Bauer invites me to tag along when he’s having another of his really bad days.

Not unique

October 29, 2009

I would have written about this before now, except that I didn’t know about it until today, when a member of an online forum that I frequent brought it to my attention.

A couple of weeks ago, I surrendered a distinction that I’ve held all by my lonesome for the past 21 years.

Since June 1988 — actually since March of that year, but the feat wasn’t official until June, when the programs aired — I have been the only African-American five-game champion in the history of Jeopardy! (If you’re arriving late to the party, you can read about my career as a game show trivia wizard by following the link. And yes, you nitpicker, technically I’m “biracial” — but if it’s good enough for the President of these United States, it’s absolutely good enough for me.)

As of two weeks ago Friday, a gentleman from Plano, Texas named Terry Linwood muscled his way into my formerly one-man fraternity.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m as thrilled as all get-out for Terry, who’s a fantastic Jeopardy! player. (I saw a couple of Terry’s games, but not his game five — which he won — or his game six — which he lost — and thus I wasn’t aware of his accomplishment.)

Still, I’m sure you’ll excuse me for feeling just a tiny bit less… remarkable today.

Had you asked me 21 years ago whether I thought my dubious accomplishment would stand the test of more than two decades’ time, I’d have imagined you daft. I mean, who’d have thought Jeopardy! would even be on the air after 26 seasons? And, given the number of contestants who grace the Sony Pictures Studios stage every year, you’d have supposed that a couple of dozen people, maybe, would have smashed in the door to my solitary club by now.

It’s a funny old world, sometimes.

Now I know how Snoopy felt in this classic Peanuts strip:

Peanuts

Congratulations to Terry Linwood on becoming Jeopardy!‘s latest five-time champ. I’ll be pulling for him in next year’s Tournament of Champions.

If he does well, I’ll even teach him the secret handshake.

Time to think pink

October 1, 2009

It’s October, and if you’ve been a follower of this blog for much of the past five years, then you know where this is headed.

October is National Breast Cancer Awareness Month.

I’ve never been one for causes or campaigns, but this is one I embrace wholeheartedly and trumpet full-throatedly.

In case you’re new here, a little historical perspective. In September 2000, my wife KJ was diagnosed with breast cancer. At the time, she was 34 years old. Over the next nine months, she endured the gamut of treatment — first surgery, then chemotherapy, then radiation treatments. Although there had been some significant lymph node involvement, she looked forward to a positive prognosis.

After six years of reasonable post-treatment health, KJ broke her left femur — that’s the thigh bone, to us non-medical types — during routine housework. Subsequent x-rays and tests confirmed the worst of our fears. Her cancer had metastasized to her skeleton. The site at the top of her femur, where the fracture occurred, was by far the largest tumor location, but not the only one. Radiologic scans revealed smaller tumors throughout her spine.

The new prognosis contained ugly words. Like incurable. And life-limiting. Tough words to hear at any time of life, but especially when you’re just a year past 40, and your only child is about to graduate from high school.

That was two and a half years ago. KJ continues to fight the good fight, with the help of oral chemotherapy drugs and periodic infusions of medication designed to strengthen her bones, simultaneously slowing the incursion of tumor and reducing the risk of crippling fractures. She had been able to continue working until a month ago, when her oncologist placed her on what is likely to become permanent disability status. Her situation has been complicated by other health issues unrelated to her cancer, but at the moment, she’s holding her own — as effectively as is humanly possible.

We’ve learned to value every moment of every day, in ways that we might not have, otherwise. Some days are better than others. This much we know: Every day living is better than any day dying. The difference between the two is more a matter of perspective and attitude than of medical charts and test results.

Today’s been a pretty good day.

One thing that never changes: Breast cancer sucks. (No pun intended.) We despise it with passionate fury.

We love and support every woman (and man, which we often forget) who is battling this tenacious enemy, as well as the people in their lives who try to help them keep battling.

We praise the medical, technical, and phamaceutical professionals who are helping to sustain life — and the quality of it — while seeking determinedly for a cure.

And we pray for the day when no human being will have to stare down the barrel of this cosmic gun.

If you’re a woman of any age, please learn to self-examine, and be dedicated to the practice. If you’re over 30, have a serious conversation with your physician about your risk factors, but also be aware that breast cancer strikes many women with no obvious familial, environmental, or lifestyle risks. (KJ was one.) If your doctor prescribes regular mammograms, get them.

If you’re not a woman, but you love one or more, read her/them the above paragraph.

These are hard times for everyone, we know. (Believe me, we know.) If, however, you can find it in your heart and wallet this month, please make a donation to the breast cancer charity of your choice. We’re fond of Susan G. Komen for the Cure, but there are dozens of fine organizations doing excellent work deserving of your support. So, support them if you can. A pledge to a friend or coworker who’s participating in a breast cancer walk-a-thon this month is one quick, easy, and painless way to do your part.

Let’s kill this thing.

Searching for Carmen Sandiego closer to home

September 24, 2009

…but not in San Diego, because I’ve been there several times. Not that I wouldn’t like to go back, but that’s not the point of this post.

In yesterday’s post, I listed several — thirteen, in all — locations around the world that I missed seeing when I was an Air Force brat in the 1960s and ’70s, but would like to visit someday if I had unlimited resources.

The fact is, though, that there are plenty of places right here in the United States that I wouldn’t mind checking out, but have never had the opportunity. Without further ado, here’s the domestic list.

Ashland, Oregon. I’ve actually driven through Ashland — at least, I’ve skirted it on the Interstate — so technically, it doesn’t belong on a list of “places I’ve never been.” But I’d love to spend a week or two at the Oregon Shakespeare Festival, which takes place there.

Seattle, Washington. Three reasons: (1) to see the Space Needle, a triumph of Googie architecture; (2) to visit the Pike Place Market, to watch the fishmongers toss their wares about (and perhaps dine on a few — wares, not fishmongers); and (3) to drink lots and lots of coffee.

Santa Fe, New Mexico. A noted artistic community, which means I’d fit right in. In contrast to its creative reputation, it’s one of the few U.S. cities of any size with a consistent, governmentally imposed architectural style.

Mount Rushmore, South Dakota. I hear from people who’ve been there that it isn’t quite as awesome in person as it seems like it would be from photographs, but I prefer to decide that sort of thing for myself.

New Orleans, Louisiana. Great music, great food. I’ll just plan to go when they’re not expecting a flood.

Orlando, Florida. It seems weird that a Disney geek such as myself has never made a pilgrimage to Walt Disney World, but such is life. I’d like to rectify that shortcoming. Not that there’s anything wrong with the original Disneyland — because there isn’t. I’d still want to check out the Big Kahuna.

Key West, Florida. As a writer, I have to drop in here at least once, don’t I? And, as a kid who spent several years in Hawaii, I’m down with the whole tropical vibe. Remind me to skip hurricane season.

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Not because it’s the Cradle of Liberty, and not for the plethora of historic sites, as interesting as those would be to tour. No, I just want to do my own onsite comparison of cheesesteak joints.

New York City, New York. Another location that doesn’t entirely qualify as a “never been there,” because I’ve flown into and out of both Kennedy and LaGuardia airports. Those airports, however, constitute the sum total of my NYC experience. I’ve gotta figure there’s more of the Naked City to see than just tarmac.

Westbrook, Maine. At first blush, an incongruous choice. My best friend from high school and her family — including her youngest child, my goddaughter, whom I’ve never seen in person — live there. More than reason enough for me.

Separate from any individual destination, I’d love to spend a summer traveling from one Major League Baseball park to another, until I’d seen a series in every park that I’ve never visited — which would include every park other than our local venues (AT&T Park and the Oakland Coliseum) and the two Greater L.A. sites (Dodger Stadium and Angel Stadium).

In search of Carmen Sandiego

September 23, 2009

As a youngster, I was fortunate enough to travel to — and live in — several exotic locations, thanks to the U.S. Air Force — of which I was a dependent for the first 15 years of my life.

Ironically, as an adult, I haven’t again left my home country. I haven’t even ventured out of my adopted home state of California for more than a week or two at a time. I satisfy most of my residual wanderlust by watching the Travel Channel.

Not that I have all that much burning desire to return to my globetrotting childhood, but if I ever luck into a multimillion-dollar disposable income (or, alternatively, an overwhelming abundance of frequent flier miles to burn), here are some of the places to which I’d journey.

London, United Kingdom. The heart of English-speaking culture, with a history stretching back to the Roman Empire. I’d be willing to tolerate the dreadful food — or just eat plenty of fish and chips — just to wander the streets singing “London by Night” and “A Nightingale Sang in Berkeley Square.”

Barcelona, Spain. One of my interests is unusual architecture — I should post about my Googie fetish sometime — of which Barcelona is a world capital, thanks to the work of Art Nouveau pioneer Antoni Gaudi.

Cairo, Egypt. A wealth of uniquely Islamic architecture. It’s also just a quick trip to Giza, home of the greatest architectural wonders of the ancient world, the Pyramids and the Sphinx.

Dubai, United Arab Emirates. Let’s see… the world’s tallest structure (Burj Dubai), the world’s tallest hotel (Rose Tower), the world’s tallest hotel shaped like a ship’s sail and built on an artificial island (Burj Al Arab), the world’s largest shopping mall (the prosaically named Dubai Mall), and one of the most unusual developments ever conceived (the Palm Jumeirah)? Yeah, I’m there.

Nairobi, Kenya. Where else in the world can you walk through a wild animal habitat immediately adjacent to a major city? I’ll take an empty suitcase just for bringing home coffee.

Hong Kong, China. Blending the best of Eastern and Western culture. Plus, they have their own Disneyland. How cool is that? While I’m in that part of the world, I might as well check out the Great Wall too.

Agra, India. A hub of historically beautiful buildings from the Mughal era, of which the Taj Mahal, the Agra Fort, and Fatehpur Sikri are the best known.

Sydney, Australia. They’ll slip a shrimp on the barbie for me. And there’s also that Opera House.

Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. Doesn’t everyone have to experience Carnival once in a lifetime? Watch yourself, though — Rio might be one of the most dangerous metropoli in the world.

Rapa Nui (Easter Island). I’ve been fascinated by the moai — the 887 massive stone statues that dot the island — since I was a kid.

Machu Picchu, Peru. The fabled Lost City of the Incas, Machu Picchu offers an excellent opportunity to gain insight into what the New World was like before the Europeans invaded.

The Panama Canal. One of the most monumental feats of engineering in human history, it’s hard to fathom (no pun intended) that the Canal is nearly 100 years old (it opened in 1914).

Yucatan Peninsula, Mexico. Cancun, Cozumel, and the ruins at Chichen Itza. Need I say more?

Tomorrow, I’ll list a few places right here in the good old U.S. of A. that I’ve never visited, but would like to someday.

Sick thoughts

September 3, 2009

If you were on Facebook today, you probably had at least a few friends — and I’m using that word in the broad, accommodative way that Facebook does — who posted the following item on their home pages:

No one should die because they cannot afford health care, and no one should go broke because they get sick. If you agree, please post this as your status for the rest of the day.

I didn’t throw this up on my Facebook wall — mostly because, as you already know if you know me, I’m just not much of a follower.

I, however, do agree with the sentiment.

In fact, I’ll go a step further: If you don’t agree with both halves of that first sentence, there’s something seriously kapakahi with your thinking muscle.

We might debate how to accomplish these goals. We might differ on whose responsibility, and whose program, and whose nickel, and all that sort of folderol. But if you think either of these concepts is simply wrong, I don’t have any problem in telling you that there’s something wrong with you.

Because your Uncle Swan is just blunt like that.

Oh, and before you decide to pick an argument with me over this, you should know a couple of things.

One: My wife is permanently disabled with incurable, metastatic breast cancer.

Two: I worked in the healthcare industry for a dozen years, and in the seven years since, I’ve maintained several clients in that field for whom I work on a regular basis.

I know all of the arguments. From all sides. Up close. Personal.

Here’s the good news, though.

Even if you’re wrong…

…you can still be my friend.

At least on Facebook.

Things that make me say, “Huh?”

August 29, 2009

“Huh?” Inducer #1: Andy Lee, the punter for the San Francisco 49ers, hit the scoreboard at the new Cowboy Stadium in Dallas with a punted football in warmups prior to tonight’s game between the Niners and the Cowboys. Apparently, a similar feat was achieved by the punter for the University of Tennessee in a game last week.

Let me get this straight: The Cowboys spent $1.2 billion on a stadium, and nobody thought to check whether the scoreboard was high enough?

“Huh?” Inducer #2: Cinematic schlockmeister Rob Zombie is remaking the 1958 horror classic The Blob. However, says Zombie:

My intention is not to have a big red blobby thing. That’s the first thing I want to change. That gigantic Jello-looking thing might have been scary to audiences in the 1950s, but people would laugh now.

Let me get this straight: Zombie’s going to remake The Blobwithout the Blob? (Memo to RZ: Someone already beat you to thisover a decade ago. How about, you know, an original idea for a change?)

“Huh?” Inducer #3: My cell phone service provider frequently leaves recorded messages on my office voice mail to alert me to special offers on wireless minutes, hardware upgrades, and such like. This week, they left me a recorded message to tell me that after September 1, new FCC regulations will prohibit their leaving me any future recorded messages.

Let me get this straight: WHAT?

Supergirl takes flight

August 14, 2009

The nest is about to get empty at Casa de Swan. Our daughter KM — our only offspring — departs for college this weekend.

As regular readers know, KM graduated from the local community college in May. She’s about to continue her education at California State University, Chico, and we’re moving the last of her belongings — and KM herself — there tomorrow. Chico is only about a three-hour drive from here, but I’m sure that it will seem like a galaxy away. For a while, at any rate.

So, today’s Comic Art Friday is dedicated to my Supergirl — a nickname I hung on KM during her high school days, when one of her favorite articles of clothing was a pink hooded sweatshirt emblazoned with the Kryptonian crest. It also helps that her given name is, by sheer coincidence, similar to Supergirl’s, who came into the universe as Kara Zor-El.

Supergirl, pencils by comics artist Ramona Fradon

The charming drawing above comes from the pencil of Ramona Fradon, one of the first and most prominent female artists in the comic book industry. Ramona is best known in comics circles for her lengthy run drawing the Aquaman feature in Adventure Comics and World’s Finest (1951-1963). She co-created (with writer Robert Bernstein) Aquaman’s youthful sidekick Aqualad in 1960. Later, she  introduced (with writer Bob Haney) the seriocomic Metamorpho the Element Man, a hero who continues to command a cult following among fans to this day.

Ms. Fradon left comics during the mid-’60s, devoting the next several years to her family. She returned to the industry in 1972 and worked on various titles for both DC (Plastic Man, Freedom Fighters, Super Friends) and Marvel (most notably, The Claws of the Cat). In 1980, Ramona picked up a prestigious new assignment, as the artist of the daily newspaper strip Brenda Starr. She would draw the intrepid reporter’s adventures for the next 15 years.

Comics artists Ramona Fradon and Scott Shaw!, WonderCon 2006

I enjoyed the privilege of meeting Ramona Fradon at WonderCon a few years ago, and hearing her discuss her groundbreaking career in comics. She was remarkably candid both about the industry and her place in it. I was surprised to learn that she didn’t really enjoy drawing superhero violence, which explained why she gravitated toward characters whose stories focused less on fistfights (such as Aquaman), and those that veered into comedy (i.e., Metamorpho, Plastic Man).

In 2006, Ramona Fradon became only the second woman inducted (after longtime Marvel artist Marie Severin) into the Will Eisner Awards’ Comic Book Hall of Fame — an honor well deserved, and long overdue.

Comics artists Ramona Fradon and Scott Shaw!, WonderCon 2006

Ms. Fradon’s career demonstrates that, given the opportunity, talent and determination always find their reward — even against such obstacles as the sexism rampant in comics publishing during the ’50s and ’60s (and, to a sad yet significant degree, to this day).

It’s a lesson that I hope my daughter will remember as she finds her path through life. I’m going to miss my Supergirl.

And that’s your Comic Art Friday.

Life isn’t (the county) fair

August 3, 2009

Tonight, our little family — although no group can accurately be described as “little” if I’m in it — made our annual pilgrimage to the Sonoma County Fair.

The event musters less cachet every year. Our daughter is long since old enough to go to the fair on her own, with her friends, and generally doesn’t need the ‘rents tagging along. My wife now needs a wheelchair to cover the expansive fairground distances, and thus doesn’t get to see everything as closely or conveniently as she once did. And every year, the selection of vendors grows more sparse and the exhibits less compelling.

But still, it’s our tradition. So we go. And we always have a nice time.

I mostly go to the fair to watch people, and to eat. The latter grows increasingly challenging. Many of the vendors whose offerings I once enjoyed no longer appear — where have you gone, Richardson’s Ribs? — and those who do seldom rise to the level of true county fair greatness. This year, KJ’s favorite Mexican cuisine stand — the home of the legendary soft tacos that she waited all summer to nosh —  was a no-show. She contented herself with a child’s plate of spaghetti from the Pasta King instead. I settled for a platter of fried seafood, which was decent enough, but nothing like the calamari that another vendor used to serve. That purveyor, too, is gone.

Even the venerable cinnamon roll concession, for decades a staple of the main pavilion, got shunted outside to an unfamiliar location this year. I tell you, there’s just no respect for history any more.

I did savor a pleasant enough quaff of draft cream soda from a vendor I’d not seen at previous fairs. The cowboy-costumed barkeep drew my drink in a colorful keepsake tin cup, which may come in handy someday if I fill it with pencils and stand on a busy street corner.

We trekked what seemed like a half-marathon out to the fairgrounds’ back forty to check out the Budweiser Clydesdales. Why bother to bring in such a crowd-pleasing attraction if you’re going to hide it in an obscure cranny where the crowds may never find it? Even a fair employee whom we stopped for directions was momentarily stumped by the question of where the Clydesdales were. (I’m not entirely certain she even knew what a Clydesdale was.)

The Hall of Flowers held its own. The theme this year was “The Land Before Time,” which mostly involved every floral designer sticking an incongruous plastic dinosaur or two into his or her display. The overall decoration looked good, though, and a few of the designers added exotic touches like colored waterfalls or volcanoes in an effort to make the scene vaguely Cretaceous.

I saw no one hawking anything in the main pavilion that I couldn’t live without. I managed to resist the siren call of kitchen gadgets, gaudy neckties, hot tubs (why do they always sell hot tubs? who goes to the fair looking to score a four-seat Jacuzzi for the back patio?) and the ubiquitous Sham-Wow. I almost succumbed to a sudden jones for cleaning products, but just couldn’t pull the trigger.

My daughter KM paused to let me take her photo with the lifesize cutout of President Obama at the Democratic Party booth. We noted that, as custom dictated, the Dems and the Repubs again occupied spaces on opposite sides of the hall. (Some things never change.) It might actually spark the proceedings a trifle if the organizers stationed the two parties in adjacent stalls. Perhaps mayhem would ensue.

Given the current state of our county fair, a little mayhem might be just what it needs.

Jeopardy! Summer Hiatus Challenge

July 27, 2009

Over at the Jeopardy! message boards, the 2009 Summer Hiatus Challenge begins today.

The SHC is an annual online trivia tournament designed to keep hardcore Jeopardy! fanatics occupied during the six midsummer weeks when the show is in reruns. Compiled by board regular “DadOfTwins,” the SHC always offers excellent mental exercise, with two full Jeopardy!-style categories of five answers each, posted daily Monday through Friday. It also invariably engenders impassioned, often humorous discussion and debate about the questions themselves.

The SHC is especially cool for me because it presents a rare opportunity to cross swords with other former Jeopardy! champions. In last year’s SHC, your Uncle Swan finished in a surprising fifth place, while two legends of the game — Steve Chernicoff (board ID “OldSchoolChamp”) and Eugene Finerman (board ID “EugeneF”) — were second and fourth, respectively.

I’ve come to know both of these stalwart gentlemen over the years. Steve, a semifinalist in the 1994 Jeopardy! Tournament of Champions and quarterfinalist in the 2005 Ultimate Tournament of Champions, was the alternate in the 1998 Jeopardy! Battle of the Bay Area Brains in which I participated, and was the captain and organizer of the Ruttersnipes, a pub trivia team featuring a collection of local Jeopardy! veterans plus San Francisco Chronicle columnist Jon Carroll. Eugene, a finalist in the 1987 Tournament of Champions and member of the Ultimate Tournament field, writes one of my favorite blogs, Your RDA of Irony, and is a frequent correspondent.

(You newbies who aren’t familiar with my experiences as a Jeopardy! champion can catch up with the rest of the class here.)

If you’re up for a bit of serious quiz mastery, drop over to the Jeopardy! forum and join the fun during the Summer Hiatus Challenge. You have nothing to lose but your dignity.