Archive for the ‘Ripped From the Headlines’ category

The Hawk flies in

January 6, 2010

It only took nine years — in my never-humble opinion, that’s eight years too many — but slugging outfielder Andre “The Hawk” Dawson finally gained election to the National Baseball Hall of Fame.

Dawson didn’t make the necessary total by much. To be enshrined, a candidate has to pull a minimum of 75% of the ballots submitted by members of the Baseball Writers’ Association of America (BBWAA). Dawson netted 77.9%, 15 votes above the cutoff. Last year, he fell 44 ballots shy.

I’ve no explanation why it took Dawson nearly a decade to be elected to the Hall. Anyone who saw him play recalls The Hawk as both a formidable hitter and a talented outfielder during his lengthy major league career. He suffered a good deal from injuries toward the end of his run, and he hung on as a shadow of his former self for about three years beyond the point at which he should have retired. (I can name a few dozen legends of the game who committed that latter indignity, starting with two of my favorites, Willie Mays and Willie McCovey.) But in his prime — beginning with his Rookie of the Year season in 1977 and continuing through his last year with the Chicago Cubs in 1992 — Dawson defined the phrase “money player.”

I’m thrilled that he’s in.

If I’d had a ballot this year, I’d have also voted for:

Roberto Alomar, one of the two best all-around second basemen of my lifetime (Joe Morgan was the other — Jeff Kent, an average-to-dreadful defensive player, was the best offensive player I’ve seen at the position).

Jack Morris, the American League’s best starting pitcher throughout the 1980s.

Barry Larkin, a terrific shortstop on both sides of the ball.

Lee Smith, one of the most imposing closers I’ve ever seen, and former holder of the career record for saves.

I would not have voted for Bert Blyleven, whose 400 votes left him five short of election. Blyleven will get into the Hall eventually — which, if it accomplishes nothing else, will stop his annual whining about not getting in — but he shouldn’t. Blyleven may be the most overrated pitcher of the modern era (unless that’s Don Sutton, who’s already in the Hall, and should never have been elected). His current vote total is inflated by writers who simply look at the numbers, and not at the actual quality of play. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it every year until he finally cracks through: No one who actually saw Bert Blyleven pitch thinks he was a Hall of Fame-caliber pitcher. And if they do, they don’t know jack about baseball.

Every year, I’m stunned by the wasted votes at the bottom of the tote board. This year is no exception. I don’t know who the two writers were who voted for Ellis Burks, or the two who voted for Eric Karros, or the guys who cast solo votes for David Segui, Pat Hentgen, or Kevin Appier. These clueless people should never be allowed to vote for anything that involves baseball, ever again, period. (Burks, an outfielder who contributed two-plus excellent seasons for my beloved Giants, was a very fine player and, by all accounts, an outstanding teammate. But if he was a Hall of Famer, I’m Barry Bonds.)

Oh, and Mark McGwire? We’re not here to talk about the past.

Burj Khalifa: Arabic for “she’s a big’un”

January 4, 2010

The world’s tallest building opened today, and already they’ve changed its name.

Burj Khalifa, the world's tallest structure

Known throughout its years of construction as Burj Dubai (“Dubai Tower” in Arabic), the 2,717-foot-tall behemoth is now officially Burj Khalifa (“Tower Named After the Rich Dude Who Loaned Us Money” in Arabic). The switch in nomenclature honors Sheik Khalifa bin Zayed Al Nahyan, president of the United Arab Emirates, whose infusion of petroleum cash enabled debt-ridden Dubai to complete the tower.

To give us some perspective, Burj Khalifa stands twice the height of the Empire State Building, and rises more than 50 stories higher than America’s tallest building, Willis Tower (which used to be known as Sears Tower until it was renamed last year… must be a thing with supertall buildings).

Yeah, that’s big.

The tallest building that I personally have ever been inside is the Stratosphere Tower in Las Vegas. For someone as acutely acrophobic as I am — I’m uncomfortable just climbing or descending stairs — standing on the observation deck at the Strat was one of the most terrifying experiences of my life.

So if I ever make it to Dubai — and yes, it’s on my bucket list — I’ll probably content myself with admiring the Burj from ground level.

I will, however, buy the T-shirt.

What’s Up With That? #84: Grave robbers

December 3, 2009

If ever there was an argument for the return of public flogging, this just might be it.

Last weekend, a family of four from nearby Sonoma — John and Susan Maloney and their two young children, an 8-year old son and 5-year-old daughter — were killed in a horrific automobile accident, when a 19-year-old NASCAR wannabe blazed through a red light at a speed in the neighborhood of 90 MPH and smashed into the family’s minivan.

The Maloneys were returning home from a Thanksgiving vacation in Hawaii.

Nothing much can be done about the offending driver, who also died shortly after the crash. But… check this out.

A couple of twentysomethings from down on the Peninsula heard the tragic news I’ve just described — the story was ubiquitous in the local media — and said to themselves, “Hey… since those people are dead, they won’t be using their stuff any more, right?”

They seized the opportunity. After making the 70-mile trek up to Sonoma, they emptied the Maloneys’ house of valuables, including the family’s second car, a 2006 Nissan 350Z.

As it happened, the female partner in this nefarious duo got busted in a routine traffic stop in San Mateo the day after the robbery. When the police discovered that Ms. Lowlife was driving on a suspended license, they searched her car, where they discovered one of Susan Maloney’s credit cards, as well as a Blu-Ray DVD player and other items stolen from the Maloney home.

The Maloneys’ purloined vehicle was later found parked in front of the criminal mastermind’s home, with her ex-con boyfriend at the wheel. Most, if not all, of the Maloneys’ property was recovered.

In the words of Sonoma Police Chief Bret Sackett, “This certainly was a new low for me and, I think, for everybody else investigating this case.”

Bonnie and Clyde are now cooling their felonious heels in the Sonoma County Jail.

I’m not a violent or vindictive guy. But if authorities decided it would be a good idea to paddle these two troglodytes’ backsides in the town square at high noon…

…they’d get no argument from me.

Ding dong, the Wolf Man’s dead

December 2, 2009

If you can tear yourselves away from the latest Tiger Woods update for just a moment, I have a real tragedy to report.

Paul Naschy has passed on.

Who’s Paul Naschy? you ask. Permit me to enlighten you, friend reader.

Paul Naschy was a cult filmmaker from Spain. (His real name was Jacinto Molina, which sounds more like a baseball player than a movie star.) For most of his lengthy career, Naschy acted in horror films, many of which he wrote or directed or both. Due to his performances as many of the classic monsters of cinema, he was nicknamed “the Spanish Lon Chaney.” And like the junior of the two American actors by that name, Naschy was most famous for portraying a werewolf on screen.

Beginning with his 1968 film The Mark of the Wolf Man (La Marca del Hombre Lobo), Naschy created his signature character, the werewolf Waldemar Daninsky. (Naschy made his antihero Polish because the government cinema censors of the day would not sanction films that showed Spanish characters engaging in violent behavior.) Naschy would assume the Daninsky role a dozen times over the next 35 years, in movies that for the most part had little if anything to do with one another, save for Naschy/Daninsky himself. He finally retired the character in an American production, Tomb of the Werewolf, directed by another notorious schlockmeister, Fred Olen Ray.

In addition to his Wolf Man series, Naschy starred in dozens of other movies, almost all of them in the horror or crime genres. Unfortunately, most of Naschy’s oeuvre — at least the handful of examples I’ve seen — is pretty poor by any objective standard. In fairness, we’re talking about films that were being made on budgets smaller than our monthly cable bill. Still, it doesn’t take all that much viewing to figure out that as filmmakers go, Naschy was immeasurably closer to Ed Wood than to Orson Welles.

During my tenure as a film critic for DVD Verdict, I once landed the unfortunate assignment of reviewing a Naschy opus — 1973’s Curse of the Devil (titled El retorno de Walpurgis in its original Spanish release). I don’t know what the devil had against me that he cursed me with watching this incoherent monstrosity, but if you follow the magic link, you can share my agony. Because misery loves company.

Or is that Missouri? I forget.

Anyway…

Whatever his failings as a cinematic genius, Naschy boasted a devoted fan base that salivated over every ghastly frame of celluloid in which he appeared. The strong-stomached among you may wish to check out The Mark of Naschy, a thorough and surprisingly well-appointed shrine dedicated to the man and his legacy.

Make sure your sidearm is loaded with silver bullets.

The Freak abides

November 19, 2009

Believe it or don’t, I was completely surprised by today’s announcement that the Giants’ Tim “The Freak” Lincecum won his second consecutive Cy Young Award as the National League’s best pitcher in 2009.

If I’d been voting, I’d have voted — as did the San Francisco Chronicle‘s respected baseball beat writer, Henry Schulman — for Chris Carpenter of the St. Louis Cardinals.

Don’t misunderstand — I loves me some Timmy, in a platonic, athletic-appreciation sort of way. I do believe that he’s currently the premier pitcher in the NL, if not in all of baseball.

Carpenter, however, had the better season. Which is, in my opinion, what the Cy Young should recognize.

There’s no question that Lincecum far outstrips Carpenter in terms of raw power. Timmy’s 261 strikeouts to Carpenter’s 144 tell that story. Carpenter, however, isn’t a strikeout pitcher. He’s a do-anything-to-get-batters-out pitcher. It’s not as sexy, but in baseball terms, it’s just as effective.

With almost identical offensive support and WHIP (walks and hits per inning pitched) scores, Carpenter won two more games than Lincecum (17 vs. 15), lost three fewer (4 vs. 7), and surrendered almost a quarter-run less per nine innings (2.24 vs. 2.48). More significantly, Carpenter did the majority of his damage in the second half of the season, as the Cardinals were charging toward a division title. As Schulman writes:

The 34-year-old right-hander went 10-1 with a 2.06 ERA in 15 starts for a team that ran away with the National League Central. To me, that defines dominance.

To me too, Henry.

By comparison, Timmy went 5-5, 2.67 down the stretch. Not awful, but not exactly awe-inspiring, either.

I was fortunate to see Lincecum pitch in person twice this season — on June 12 against the Oakland A’s, and again on August 10 against the Cincinnati Reds. In the earlier game, Tim was dominant to the point of near-unhittability, pitching his second career shutout. In the late-season outing, he pitched decently, but looked tired and had measurably less oomph on his normally overpowering fastball.

Carpenter seemed to get stronger as the season wore on — all the more remarkable given that he pulled a shoulder muscle and sat out five weeks early.

So, if I’d had a vote, I’d have had to throw it Carpenter’s way.

All of the above being true, as a Giants fan  — and as a Lincecum fan (and I rarely find myself rooting for individual athletes in team sports) — I’m thrilled that the majority of the Cy Young balloteers didn’t see it my way. Lincecum is a better pitcher than Carpenter overall, and if that’s how you roll the Cy, rolling it in Timmy’s direction is the right call. Without doubt, if I had to win one game for all the marbles, Lincecum is the guy I want on the hill chucking the pill.

And let’s be real. If he avoids injury, Lincecum will likely plant a few more Cy Youngs in his trophy case before his career is over. Don’t forget, 2009 was only his second full season in the major leagues. He’s already won the Cy in both of them.

That’s a record that no pitcher in baseball history can touch.

What’s Up With That? #83: Cap’n Jack bests Cap’n Swan… again

November 18, 2009

For the umpteenth consecutive year, the editorial staff of People Magazine has seen fit to deny me my rightful title of Sexiest Man Alive.

Instead, they picked Johnny Depp again.

This seems a rather pointless exercise. Most of the women I know already think Johnny Depp is, if not the Sexiest Man Alive, at least somewhere in the top ten. The same goes for George Clooney and Brad Pitt, who are the other two gents who’ve double-dipped People‘s loftiest honor.

Why not tell the world something they don’t yet know, People?

After all, I too can talk like a pirate.

Sigh. Maybe next year.

Hit the road, Jack

November 16, 2009

Stephen Jackson got half of what he’s been clamoring for: a one-way ticket out of Oakland.

Unfortunately for him, the journey ends in Charlotte.

Stack Jack, who devolved from team captain to malcontent in the course of  a single preseason, had hoped for a trade to a contender — specifically, the Cleveland Cavaliers, who reportedly passed on picking him up. Instead, he and guard Acie Law were shipped cross-continent to the Bobcats, a team with an identical record to Golden State’s 3-6, an equally difficult coach in the much-traveled Larry Brown, and arguably dimmer future prospects than even the Warriors.

Good luck with that, Jack.

In exchange, the Warriors receive swingman Raja Bell, an excellent defender and outside shooter who’s on the down side of his career (he’s 33) and nursing an injury (a torn wrist tendon), and 6′ 10″ Vladimir Radmanovic, an overpaid bust with an expensive option for next season. The 6′ 5″ Bell, assuming he keeps playing hurt, will pick up most of the minutes Jackson had been getting in Golden State. He’s a similar player — a little smaller, somewhat less of an offensive threat, but on the other hand, less greedy for the ball. Radmanovic will be lucky to get off the bench in Don Nelson’s system.

I’m sorry to see Acie Law go. He looked like a player in the limited action he saw during his brief stay here. But almost any price is worth being rid of Jackson, who was only going to get grumpier and louder as the season wore on. Given that the Warriors aren’t going anywhere this year anyway, they did well to take what they could get, and move on.

Now if we could just get Nellie to retire to Maui, and let chief assistant Keith Smart take over the team.

World Series Wonderboy

November 12, 2009

Congratulations to 21-year-old Joe Cada, who earlier this week became the youngest player ever to win the World Series of Poker Main Event.

Cada outdueled Darvin Moon, a logger from Maryland, to take down the most prestigious prize in poker, the World Champion’s gold bracelet. On the ultimate hand, Cada’s pocket nines bested Moon’s Queen-Jack holding, as neither hand improved when the five community cards hit the table. Ironically, Cada had indicated in an online interview that of the nine members of the Main Event’s final table, Moon was the player with whom he was the least familiar going into this week’s final table.

As fruit of his efforts, the youngster from Shelby Township, Michigan scored $8,547,042 and the envy of millions of poker players worldwide. Moon’s second-place loot totaled a none-too-shabby $5,182,928.

For the second consecutive year, the WSOP Main Event suspended play in July after its field of more than 6,400 players had been winnowed to a nine-seat final table. The so-called “November Nine” had an additional four months to brush up their hold-’em chops before reconvening at the Rio Hotel in Las Vegas for this week’s endgame.

The biggest name at the final table, poker superstar Phil Ivey, finished in seventh place. Jeff Shulman, the publisher of Cardplayer Magazine and a veteran of the 2000 WSOP Main Event final table, landed in fifth place. Shulman finished seventh in 2000.

Thanks to young Mr. Cada and the rest of the Nine for an excellent end to the 40th WSOP.

Hug a veteran today

November 11, 2009

…or, at the very least, shake a veteran’s hand, if you’re not down with the whole hugging thing.

And if you yourself have served with honor in the United States Armed Forces?

Pat Patriot, pencils and inks by comics artist Greg LaRocque

Pat Patriot loves you.

What’s Up With That? #82: Busted bridge

October 28, 2009

I’m not a structural engineer, but…

If the recently repaired chunk of the Bay Bridge can be taken out by a stiff wind, why should we have confidence that it could withstand a major earthquake — which is the reason they’re doing all of this work on the Bay Bridge in the first place?

Seems a mite iffy to me.

Side note: Don’t you just hate it when someone begins a critique with the disclaimer, “I’m not a [insert professional specialty here], but…”? Would you have you have mistaken me for a structural engineer if I hadn’t started this post by assuring you that I wasn’t?

Somehow, I think not.